You Only See Me On A Good Day

Written after seeing a Facebook post querying someone's NDIS funding:

You only see me on a good day

When you see me brightly walking around town

You wouldn't know I have MS, Type 1 Diabetes, very severe arthritis in my back and various anxiety issues I live daily with pain and fatigue and have to make multiple decisions in relation to my diabetes control

You only see me on a good day

If you saw me on a bad day, you would see me utilising my cane or my walker You would see the pain and fatigue etched on my face You would see my wobbles as I try to keep my balance But You only see me on a good day You see, on a bad day I can't face the world or people I don't have the strength to engage On those days, rest is my friend

You only see me on a good day

You don't see my shower chair, my hand rails, my ramps You don't see my insulin pump, my continuous glucose monitoring sensor, my multiple blood sugar level checks You don't see my spine corrector, my TENS machine, my pain patches

You only see me on a good day

If you see me hoisting in a parcel from my front door You don't feel the pain that has caused You don't see the immediate onset of fatigue

You only see me on a good day

Even seemingly simple decisions can be hard What to eat? Where to sit if out and about?

You only see me on a good day

You don't see how much my Support Worker does for me You don't see that I need a cleaner and a gardener You don't see how much I CAN'T do

You only see me on a good day

There are things I HAVE to do every day Get up, wash and dress, let the chooks out, feed the cats, etc Other days there's washing to do, meals to prep, shopping and scripts to order

You only see me on a good day

You don't see the struggle to gain funding for basic human needs that are no longer possible to organise for myself You don't see the spoon depletion dread that occurs before activities such as showering You don't see the myriad appointment attendances throughout an average week

You only see me on a good day

When you see me out enjoying myself It's a good day I've made it out and I'm living life Please don't begrudge me a good day

Sarah Baltimore